Practice Non-Judgment

[Antranik]

(Warning: This post might be too long for you all you're looking for is a quick read.)

We judge people by the clothes they wear, the way they walk, the music they listen to, by the car they are driving, by their ethnic origins, by the mood they are in, by the friends that they have, by their actions and on and on it goes.

There was a time in my life where every month I would just set one rule up in my head, to help myself be more accepting and loving toward people. One of those months involved non-judgment.

I had told myself that for one full month I will try to not judge people. I had to face the fact and realize that I don't know why people do what they do, and often times the very criticisms I make on others, are things I have done myself numerous times (but of course, when we do it, it's totally justified and "different").

I learned to succumb to the realization that I am in no position to criticize somebody because, simply put, I don't know who they are, what their background is, and what is going on in their minds.

Almost all of us judge people ALL the time.

It's one thing to judge something or someone in regards to something you are an expert at. For example, let's say you are a professional DJ and notice another DJ is making a mistake. Well, you can make that judgment that a mistake is being made because you're experienced and let the guy know what his mistake is.

And then there's this kind of judgment....you could say that DJ is an IDIOT for making that mistake, or that he's lazy or that he's ignorant, or whatever you want to call him.

We think our judgments are actually valid most of the time, but honestly, almost all of our judgments are made too soon, without any careful thought and understanding.

Even with meticulous research, about a person, you will never be able to experience what they experienced from the moment they were born, to the day they die, in the shoes they have walked in and the eyes that they saw their life through. You don't know what goes on in peoples heads.

Let's say you're driving down the street and a car is coming up behind you REALLY fast and passes you and continues to weave in through the cars and looking quite reckless. And you wonder, "what is that guys rush? that guy is an idiot, that guy is a jackass, he must be some stupid teenager, or maybe he's on a lot of drugs, fuck that guy" etc etc

Hold it. Before you go about labeling that guy as a moron, it's highly likely you were in his shoes once and were doing the same reckless actions.

Even if you were never like that, you have absolutely no idea why he might be acting that way. Maybe his child is hurt badly and he needs to rush him to the hospital, maybe he just had a bad argument with his girlfriend and is completely overtaken by anger, maybe he's on a lot of psychiatric medicine and he's all out of his meds.

Fact is, you don't know who that man is, you don't know what his reasons are for doing what he's doing, you don't know JACK SHIT about ANYTHING to label that guy by that mere action.

On top of that, whenever something like that happens, you might deliberately speed up... to catch up next to that guy, because you want to see what this fucker looks like, because you think, that by looking at what he looks like, you're going to be able to make sense of the situation.

Like, oh he's on his cell phone, fucking idiot (as if you never used your phone while driving), or oh he looks like he's 16, that explains it, or oh look he's asian, fucking asians can't drive.

Well I'm sorry but you have no idea what that mans deal is and you never will. Try to realize that as humans we have the capability to run through an incredibly wide range of emotions at any moment, and you are not any more superior.

Let's say you have a friend who is addicted to drugs and sleeps around with everybody and their mother. Well, you could easily say, well that person is a whore and a druggie and an idiot. You know what dude, you're in no fucking position to ever know why they are doing what they are doing.

You don't know the kind of childhood that person had, you don't know how they were raised, how many homes they lived in, you don't know what goes through their mind, the kind of stress they have to deal with, you don't know what their perception of life is like. No matter how much you think you know the person, you don't know their inner thoughts and emotions and anxieties and worries and pleasures and fears are. You have NO fucking idea. You never have and you never will. You're in no position to judge anybody.

With all that said, I try to not judge people, and I try to do a damn good job at it, but of course... I'm not perfect and I do it as well once in a while. Sometimes I might jump on the "bandwagon" with other people calling somebody an idiot and I go, "Yea man, that guy's dumb." just for the sake of jumping in on the bandwagon. So before you call me hypocritical, I'm not saying I don't judge all the time, it's a fucking process, and maybe one day I won't at all, but in the meantime, it's nice to share this info with you guys.

Maybe one day one of YOU will help me note when i'm making a rash/unfair judgment and you can help nudge me back on the path.

P.L.U.R.

[Chinkerz]

now try non-judgment in every aspect of your life (whether it's good or bad i.e happiness or sorrow). Tell me how you feel afterwards.

[roguernaut]

that was a very very plurry entry.

[Antranik]

Originally Posted by Chinkerz

now try non-judgment in every aspect of your life (whether it's good or bad i.e happiness or sorrow). Tell me how you feel afterwards.

I think I know what you're trying to elude to here but I'm not sure.. Is that what you do? How do you feel when you try that?

[Chinkerz]

Originally Posted by Antranik

I think I know what you're trying to elude to here but I'm not sure.. Is that what you do? How do you feel when you try that?

I've had times where my consciousness has just totally shifted w/o drugs. I feel @ peace and extremely calm. no desire. no troubles. 100% Presence. Sometimes it just happens to me. I cannot force or control it. It just IS.

[bshieh]

imo, it's necessary to judge people. it is the only way to discern between people... you go to a job interview and they judge you- if you're not fit for the job, obviously you can't work there. you might be the hardest worker around, the most comitted and most loyal, but shit, if you don't know what you're doing, they still can't hire you. you might be a god damned genius, but if you don't have what they're looking for... then sucks to be you.

you become friends with a bunch of people, but then one day, they all do something you HIGHLY disapprove of. something you just can't respect. do you "not judge" and forget about it? how can you? could you stay friends with them even if every single thing they did, caused you to groan and sigh inwardly?

if you don't judge people you end up with 6 billion friends.

but you fucking hate all but a few hundred.

HOW you judge someone and what you do about it afterwards are so important. sometimes why someone does something is irrelevant. it doesnt matter why he did it to you. just the fact that he did it. he may have had the greatest reason in the world, and if it really matters to you, i urge you to discover it. but most of the time someone does something you dislike, it's your 'fault' you dislike it.

i don't know. i can't seem to put my thoughts into words right now. i will repost & edit as soon as i can.

what i do know is this:

one of the things i hate most about myself, and have been trying to change for the longest time, is...

the first thing i notice when i meet a person, look at a person, is the color of their skin. i mean i guess, it's okay, because i try my best not to discriminate against them with this as a basis, but it still pisses me off. when i see a person, i should see a person. not a black person, a white person, or a w/e person.

Originally Posted by Antranik

Like, oh he's on his cell phone, fucking idiot (as if you never used your phone while driving), or oh he looks like he's 16, that explains it, or oh look he's asian, fucking asians can't drive.

true story.

[SpinKittE]

I Antranik, and everything he writes.

I try not to judge as often as I am aware of it, if I find myself doing it, I step back and ask myself why I am thinking that about that person, and so on. I started this in line for a concert a long time ago ( in HS), when a group of girls who I would have never talked to based on how they looked, struck up a conversation with me, and it ended up being one of the most memorable nights of my life.

Until I started raving. Now more are created every time I get to hang out with 10 or a hundred, or thousands of people I would have never met.

Anyways, I'm rambling.

plur

[Klover]

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[bshieh]

Originally Posted by Klover

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douchebag, lol.

[pico]

Passing judgement on people is not always a bad thing; in fact .. its a defense mechanism your mind creates to protect you.

Youre waiting by the crosswalk with your girlfriend and these two men behind you start pushing and shoving each other, slowly making a scene until they flat out start fighting.

Yeah, youll think to yourself 'these idiots need to work out thier issues in a civil manner or take this somewhere else, or maybe youll take the approach outlined above and try to find reason behind thier fighting-,' but your subconscious is telling you that you need to get away from that area before you accidently get caught up in the argument.

Passing judgement on people isnt a bad thing at all. It is one of the fundamental characteristics humanity has that keeps us safe.

Another example - a stereotype that ive had second experience with:

A friend of mine was walking w/her boyfriend in a badish neighborhood in Seattle. Coming opposite thier heading was a group of black guys. The boyfriend said to my friend that they should cross the street to avoid any sort of danger, and upon hearing this she became very disappointed and vocal with the boyfriend about how racist that comment was. Moment later the both of them are attacked and mugged by the group.

Again - a lot of defense mechanisms our minds create are taken to extremes by people who are not tolerant, and then those feelings get labeled 'bad' by society, and we try to purge ourselves of the bad feelings. What we are doing .. we are slowly removing our ability to survive.

Thanks for the post anto - i agree that respecting people is a necessity, but i felt that more had to be added.

[Conniption]

Wow such deep threads today!

I like what you said Antranik granted it's a tad...unrealistic I guess. Personally I have no problem with judging people. It's PRE-judging I don't like (prejudice). Which is actually what I think you are REALLY talking about. Judging involves first some kind of action or language by the person being judged. Frankly...sometimes...an idiot just needs to be called an idiot.

Originally Posted by pico

A friend of mine was walking w/her boyfriend in a badish neighborhood in Seattle. Coming opposite thier heading was a group of black guys. The boyfriend said to my friend that they should cross the street to avoid any sort of danger, and upon hearing this she became very disappointed and vocal with the boyfriend about how racist that comment was. Moment later the both of them are attacked and mugged by the group.

Funny story too... I was walking down a street and came up on a group of black kids coming the opposite way. I won't lie I was freaked and they could tell. So when they got close one of the kids said "WHAT?? Are you afraid of black people??" I said "No, I'm afraid of young people." They fucking CRACKED UP and I went on my merry way.

[pico]

Originally Posted by Conniption

Funny story too... I was walking down a street and came up on a group of black kids coming the opposite way. I won't lie I was freaked and they could tell. So when they got close one of the kids said "WHAT?? Are you afraid of black people??" I said "No, I'm afraid of young people." They fucking CRACKED UP and I went on my merry way.

Humor is an awesome tool