Konfessions of a Kandi Kutter

KillerTofu · #1 1.8.2007, 4:57 pm

It all began when i received my first piece of kandi. It was a god aweful looking thing. I had chronic OCD and the mismatched color patterns were driving me up the wall. It had no visible pattern to it. A random assortment of colors and shapes on the flimsiest wire i'd ever seen. This depressing piece of jewelry looked like it wanted to die. I wore the piece, to keep a smile on the givers face, but it burned on my arm for what would be a very upsetting night. I found myself constantly looking to see if maybe it had magically become a logical pattern but alas, it had not.

I skipped out on the afterparty that night to get home as quick as possible. Upon my entrance to my household, i dashed for the closest cupboard i could find with the hopes of anything sharp enough to free me from my bondage. I opened the drawer and there they were: my shiny new pair of scissors. With the first cut i felt a sense of rebirth go thruout me. I was free, free from this monstrosity that grazed upon my arm. But that wasnt enough....Layed upon the floor were the scattered remnants of the recently deceased. I decided to salvage the beads, so that a new life may be born.
and thus began....my addiction

Over the course of time i was to receive more and more pieces such as this, and just like those before them, they all received the same fate. Now occasionally one of my fellow ravers would lay upon me a satisfying piece that would be spared the ill gotten horror of the kutter. But this was to be on very rare occasion.... and my collection grew. and grew.

My addiction to kandi kutting also grew. I now ran short of kandi of my own to kut, so i began finding ways to smuggle sharp blades into parties to kut others kandi as well. I began to fiend for the kut. I also began discovering that there were others like me out there. One of which was the cruel kandi goth kutter Jellybean. Her hatred for weak pieces of kandi grew to the point where she would refuse trade with anyone not deemed worthy in her eyes. We formed an alliance. The KKK! Kandi Kutter Kids is what we called ourselves. And from that day on, no kandi was safe.

Several months went by, and much kandi was kut. Saving the rave scene from monstrosities, our force grew in numbers. One tragic night however, an infamous vicks plugger by the name of Northstar would give jellybean a trick kandi. A kandi made of wire so thin that when jellybean attempted to kut the kandi she kut herself and bled to death. I held her hand as she slipped away and swore revenge on the notorious Northstar and his evil pack of miscreants known as the Pleasure Krew. Darkened by his loss, the king of the kandi kids: Spongebob was also to exact revenge on these so called professional ravers. Armed with our plur cannons and razors we began our mission.

The first to go was the one they called Bamf aka Unicornmadness. With 1 pew pew plurbeam to the head he was gone. Angered by the loss of his comrad Smiles attacked. I threw a pill in his mouth and he fell to the floor and began ripping his clothes off. Reaching for the sky his eyes rolled back into his head and his face planted right into the ground. 2 down more to go.

It only took about 2 days to irradicate the majority of this Pleasure Krew. It was actually quite simple. We poisoned the vicks supply of southern california and they began dropping like flys. All but that crafty black man Northstar. He used his minions as vicks testers and watched them all parish. We confronted him on the final day.

His first move was to begin shaking violently. It appeared to be the moves of someone strung out on methamphetamine but we couldnt be sure. All i know is that he was fast. He began to wave lights at us in attempts to blind us. I realized our pew pew plur beams wouldnt be strong enough for this one so i pulled out my Photons of Doom and began to give the most powerful lightshow ever. Hypnotised by my Photons of Doom i sedated the beast. Spongebob moved in for the kill and with a slash, Northstars mohawk, aka, his source of power was slayed. Awaken from his raver trance he thanked us for freeing him from his raver bondage and went on to lead a successful life as a wallstreet stock trader.

This is the tale of the kandi kutter kids in its entirety. To this day we are still on a mission to free the rave scene from mismatched miscolored atrocities. We still mourn the loss of our kandi kween Jellybean.

-Captain Spacemonkey

Jellybean · #2 1.8.2007, 5:03 pm

HAHAHA

I LOVE IT!!!

EW the PK was the death of me >.<;;

EVERYONE, read part one: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

~Oreo~ · #3 1.8.2007, 5:05 pm

LMFAO. someone make this into a book. i would so buy it.

Snype The Nigs · #4 1.8.2007, 5:08 pm

Photons of Doom. nice

Euphoric · #5 1.8.2007, 5:08 pm

that was pure entertainment...and i thought i was the only one who noticed the total lack of creativity in peeps kandi, i once got a piece made of macaroni

KillerTofu · #6 1.8.2007, 5:14 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Euphoric

that was pure entertainment...and i thought i was the only one who noticed the total lack of creativity in peeps kandi, i once got a piece made of macaroni

id boil that shit up into a big ball and chuck it at their head

Jellybean · #7 1.8.2007, 5:16 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by KillerTofu

id boil that shit up into a big ball and chuck it at their head

id be like
THIS ISN'T SUMMER CAMP BITCH!

pLuraList · #8 1.8.2007, 5:24 pm

dude.. where do you get this stuff???

i'm korean and i'm not as korean as you..

you are sO hilarious!! tell me.. do you have ties to the kOrean heritage.. or do you just like dooboo?? i'd love to hear story.. i'm sure its a good one.