From me to you.

[aNtXsteeZ]

This is to all of you who remember me, but mostly for myself... Steez was the name, but I realized something; Something I will share with you.

As I was laying in my girlfriend's bed trying to sleep, I was thinking about all the posts I made and the 'friends' I had over the months of my partying days, through this website. Over the last couple weeks, I've checked back here to see what had been going on and I thought to myself of all the times I lied and made myself out to be this "thug" and this "cool dude" when really I am nothing of the sort.

I felt I needed to release this alter ego of mine, and tell the truth about myself. I "steeZ" was fake, someone drugs, a lot of rap influence and violence around where I grew up made me to be. All I can remember from most of my parties was being the "Shady" looking guy, running around doing dumb shit, when I should have been having a blast every party. But I am glad because I feel I am stronger for them taking place and hopefully learning from them.

When I first thought of making this post, my first instincts were to just type everything I had been thinking. But it is slowly becoming harder to do that. I thought that maybe by doing this I can kind of let go or come to terms with all of the thoughts and memories I had of being this guy that I thought people would like. I thought I was this cool sort of awesome dude that everyone liked to have around, but it turns out I didn't even like myself to begin with, and I had this false image of my "alter-ego" out for everyone to see.

I thought that when I started writing this, more would come to me... But I feel like the gist of it has gone across, and it is very hard to put my thoughts onto this keyboard. So again, for those of you who thought you knew me, I am sorry. I exaggerated stories I had of myself and felt I needed to become someone people would like. But the truth is this, all the stuff I did made me see a side of me and the world I never want to see again, at least not under the circumstances, and I feel that by writing this I can let all of you know what was really going on behind my angry look that many of you thought was me.

I feel as if some of you helped me get through some times in my life, and for that I thank you. But I am sorry I lied, and it doesn't seem fair to let those lies stay lies to some people I thought were friends.

I just want to be real, and maybe by writing this I haven't helped myself... But I have helped you, don't let things take over your life. If it does however go that far, make sure you learn something from it.

Wow that was a lot of feelings. I am sure glad I got that out though.

-Anthony
aka "steeZ"


PS- Maybe there will be more to come, but for now this is all.
PS- I know I thought it was redundant too, but it's 4:28 am give me a break :P

[PinkE]

hey steeze its great to see you posting here once again

you have always been a very sweet guy, i have never noticed you acting anyway close to what you stated above. you were so much fun to hang out with and we all did love ya.

just be yourself from now on, and i bet you people will love you even more!

all of your old friends are still here for yah, and we'd all love to see you again my friend! a lot of us have changed a bit though lol, most have changed for the better

message me sometime! see ya soon hopefully!

[word]

WTF!!??!!?? YOU LIED ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF? THE STORIES? THE GOOD TIMES? YOU MUTHERFUCKER! NOW IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!!






just kidding, we've never met... im pretty sure people arent gonna hate you tho... just keep it real!

[Grendel]

You mean it was ALL a lie? Are you sure?

Well, if you're really sure it was a waste of time....

How are you Anthony? I'm glad you're doing well.

Glad you got your shit together. I always knew you would.

Still, you have to admit. It was at least a little bit fun...

-Grendel

[moogle]

Anthony, I had nothing but good fun when you were around--remember how we used to make front of the Cosmic Dance, lol. Well men, if your in need of a friend, there is still a few left around from the old 05 days.

[natefrogg]

whattup steez man! you were always really chill to me, that's what i remember about you =)

[Sunshine]

I heard you've been getting your shit together, that's a beautiful thing. You don't have to apologize for being fake, you can't take anything on these boards or at parties too TOO seriously, I think that's what draws a lot of people to it. Hell-o, raver names, crazy make-up and costumes, drugs...all shit that makes it easy for us to be somebody else. Anyways, I'm glad to see you on here, I missed you, hope we can chill again one day.

[j_nicks]

i like red apple pie

[aNtXsteeZ]

Wow it really was '05.. rofl.

Yes I admit it was a lot of fun, but it was also reckless. Although I thought the party scene was about letting go, I always felt worried, I just couldn't do it. I felt I had to keep myself together and keep my composure.. Which is probably why I felt I was fake, and why it always looked like I was holding back.

Yes it was a waste of breath, but not a waste of time.. And no not all of it was a lie, mostly exaggerations. I've worked on being myself, since I stopped partying and I plan on being myself from now on...

It's nice to know people are still there too, all of you guys; You helped me through some pretty weird times.. And again I thank you

By the way, I'm going into the Coast Guard and am wanting to hit up a massive or two by the time I take off... I'll keep you posted.

[moogle]

You better, and if you still blaze I got tons of stuff. I just got paid and got like 8 different kinds of medical kush, and I don't mind smoking out a homey in need. Keep us updated on how your doing and which party your attending.

[aNtXsteeZ]

I don't smoke anymore

But thanks for the offer... I hope to see you guys again soon maybe at Nocturnal.

[oOoMissEoOo]

Hey I remember u.