Secrets about Dyloot and Mystere revealed!

DreamCatcher · #1 11.4.2007, 11:30 pm

I can't tell you where but I've got information about Dyloot and Mystere that you've gotta hear.

First off, Dyloot has been stealing tracks from other DJ's since about 95'. He gets them to play him their tracks, and steals melodies and beats all the time. Sometimes he does this just by listening, sometimes he does it with a baseball bat, and sometimes he does it with a baseball bat with a nail through it. Around the time Dyloot started with the music stealing, Mystere was hired by the CIA and forced to change his gender--as he was originally actually a woman! Together with a group of agents and soon-to-be Taleebaan he started an anti-MDMA task force. His tracks are now laced with subliminal messages driving ecstasy users into a depression so vile and inescapable many usually jump off of bridges and swallow colts the next morning.

But that's old news. Recently I learned that the Duo are really part of The Illuminateee, an unscrupulous, evil anti-Christian organization with some of the only records of how Christ himself partied. AS it turns out the last supper was really not a supper at all, but a cuddle-puddle on an ancient warehouse floor. After being betrayed Jesus emparted on the 13th disciple the secret of both the fattest beat known to man, and most banging melody in history. A parallel organization, the Illuminati have held these musical secrets for a day when mankind could fathom them, defending them against attack by the likes of the jealous and unskilled aforementioned DJ's. In fact the only way they derive any musical ability is through their various deals with satan, trading their souls, puppies, genders, and even a very good recipe for Flan. Bastards. By covering up this secret and infiltrating the rave scene they hope that no one ever learns this dark secret in hope of keeping the power out of the ravers hands and in the hands of the Catholic church. In fact if you look closely Mystere's name is an anagram for the word streemy, which is Aramaic for "Douchebag".

Tell everyone you know! Or... don't listen to everything you read on the internet!

kristopolous · #2 12.4.2007, 12:00 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamCatcher

I can't tell you where but I've got information about Dyloot and Mystere that you've gotta hear.

First off, Dyloot has been stealing tracks from other DJ's since about 95'. He gets them to play him their tracks, and steals melodies and beats all the time. Sometimes he does this just by listening, sometimes he does it with a baseball bat, and sometimes he does it with a baseball bat with a nail through it. Around the time Dyloot started with the music stealing, Mystere was hired by the CIA and forced to change his gender--as he was originally actually a woman! Together with a group of agents and soon-to-be Taleebaan he started an anti-MDMA task force. His tracks are now laced with subliminal messages driving ecstasy users into a depression so vile and inescapable many usually jump off of bridges and swallow colts the next morning.

But that's old news. Recently I learned that the Duo are really part of The Illuminateee, an unscrupulous, evil anti-Christian organization with some of the only records of how Christ himself partied. AS it turns out the last supper was really not a supper at all, but a cuddle-puddle on an ancient warehouse floor. After being betrayed Jesus emparted on the 13th disciple the secret of both the fattest beat known to man, and most banging melody in history. A parallel organization, the Illuminati have held these musical secrets for a day when mankind could fathom them, defending them against attack by the likes of the jealous and unskilled aforementioned DJ's. In fact the only way they derive any musical ability is through their various deals with satan, trading their souls, puppies, genders, and even a very good recipe for Flan. Bastards. By covering up this secret and infiltrating the rave scene they hope that no one ever learns this dark secret in hope of keeping the power out of the ravers hands and in the hands of the Catholic church. In fact if you look closely Mystere's name is an anagram for the word streemy, which is Aramaic for "Douchebag".

Tell everyone you know! Or... don't listen to everything you read on the internet!

Dude, that is BS. I was at the annual Illuminateee fundraiser pot luck in the catskills last weekend and they weren't there. And dude, everyone was there ... I know you're part of the Illuminateee, where were you that weekend? At waldo? I was playing WoW with Sadam and Osama all weekend - you missed out!

Wavelength · #3 12.4.2007, 12:05 pm

A great article and expose, I nominate it for a Pulitzer Prize!

LMAO

nancy3102 · #4 12.4.2007, 3:24 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wavelength

A great article and expose, I nominate it for a Pulitzer Prize!

LMAO

I second the nomination...LOL

funniest thing i've read in ages!

BIG_kua · #5 12.4.2007, 3:40 pm

i knew it.

christhejunglist · #6 12.4.2007, 5:08 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by BIG_kua

i knew it.

it all makes perfect sence now, dyloot is osama!!!

eastbayrider510 · #7 12.4.2007, 9:28 pm

it was Dyloot who killed piggie smalls....and dyloot was the one who feed anna nicole smith the pills that she overdosed on.

*STAR* · #8 13.4.2007, 3:10 pm

You for got that dyloot is the Pre-Hittler and the Aint-christ.....just some ughtfood for tho

DreamCatcher · #9 13.4.2007, 5:02 pm

These are all good additions guys. If I were any of you out there in internet land, i would promptly believe EVERYTHING written here as though it were holy scripture, otherwise you might be out of the loop.

Also, word on the street is that Mystere was the first to spread the acronym "PLUR". Little do most of you know however, that P.L.U.R does not in fact stand for peace, love, unity and respect. The acronym you've all been worshiping really stands for Peanuts, Lower back pain, under, and raffles. This completely meaningless acronym has destroyed the mind of many a plurtard, as they attempted to figure out the real meaning. BEWARE THE FALSE ACRONYMS!

*STAR* · #10 13.4.2007, 6:33 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamCatcher

These are all good additions guys. If I were any of you out there in internet land, i would promptly believe EVERYTHING written here as though it were holy scripture, otherwise you might be out of the loop.

Also, word on the street is that Mystere was the first to spread the acronym "PLUR". Little do most of you know however, that P.L.U.R does not in fact stand for peace, love, unity and respect. The acronym you've all been worshiping really stands for Peanuts, Lower back pain, under, and raffles. This completely meaningless acronym has destroyed the mind of many a plurtard, as they attempted to figure out the real meaning. BEWARE THE FALSE ACRONYMS!

The real truth is Pedophlies Love Under age Ravers